I’ve always been scared to share my blessings. Truthfully it comes from a place of not wanting to have the spotlight placed on me or to make someone else feel like I was bragging. But God has been working with me in this season to stop being selfish and to stop holding back what I have to offer or what I have to give because it all comes from Him.
Towards the end of last year, I was really contemplating going to graduate school. I was stressed trying to fill out these applications and really just had this constant fear in the back of my mind that I wasn’t going to get in. There were days when I would be excited to apply and days where I would give up because it was getting to be too much. I kept asking God to help me with something that I wasn’t really sure about in the first place. It got to a point one day that when I prayed about grad school, God straight up told me no. I was angry. I was looking to God and asking him “no, that can’t be right. I did all this work!!” I was convinced to keep going. So I did. But one day when I went to prayer again, God said something really striking. He said, “I’m telling you no because you didn’t ask me first.” That really got me. It took a lot of faith for me to say no. It was the day before all my applications were due and I had to tell all of my professors I wasn’t going. While it took a lot for me to be faithful and obedient at that moment, I was.
So now coming to March, a few months before graduation, I had already created this plan for myself and how I was going to go back home and work and do some other stuff (not even sure what that “stuff” was). God was speaking to me again and he quickly told me that I needed to stay where I was. Now, if anyone knows me I love being home. So I was like “yeah okay sure” and kept my plan in the back of my mind.
I was speaking to one of my professors one day and we got to the conversation of graduate school. I was a bit taken aback because I was confused. God, why were you bringing this back up again when you already said no before? Everything was moving really fast. Next thing I knew I was in the office with the graduate director of my program who was not only willing to write me a letter but also gave me information so I didn’t even have to pay for the application. The only problem: the application was due in less than a week.
To be honest I was happy but scared. I was so unsure if this is what I was actually supposed to be doing. I was confused honestly. But when I went to God and asked him all he said was “I didn’t forget.” He had told me no in that season because of this opportunity that he was creating for me now. I was still scared to apply, but I was going to walk forward in faith. That’s all he wanted me to do. Was I still horrified to apply, of course! But I was so extremely grateful and more eager to do it because God told me that he didn’t forget. Even when I forgot about my dreams, he didn’t. Even when I let it go, he didn’t; he was just perfecting it.
All of this to say, I’ll be going back to Winthrop for my M.A. Not by my own strength, but because of God’s favor. Every time I think about it, it just amazes me that God would bring the opportunity back around. God is still faithful to us even when we don’t realize it. God is still bringing blessings even when our circumstances would say the opposite. I hope that this helps you to realize and become confident in the blessings that are still sitting around you and that is also still coming. I pray that you can walk forward in faith when it seems confusing or when it seems. When we can walk forward in faith we can walk knowing that God is lighting the path for us and we don't have to fear because we have been there before. We can walk with the confidence and belief that God is working for us, his children.